Random...

Some people hurt you so bad and a few even have the courage to pretend that nothing happened.. But worse is when you have to pretend that nothing happened..and that you are not angry and that its all okay!!

Can you answer this?

When walking on the road of life...

some ask you to take the right path...while some warn you against the wrong ones...

some ask you to avoid the shortcuts...some say take the path no one takes to reach new heights....

some just say that its how you walk through it that makes the difference..

some give importance to who you walk with..and that a good company is all that you need..!

Just one thing....


At any step if anyone asks you-'Are you happy?'

There should just be an instant one word to answer that-'Yes!'

How can i be angry for something like this!?

There are people who lose their temper very easily and people who never seem to be angry no matter what..! Also there are those who never lose it, but when they do then its beyond what you ever expected it to be..!

There are these times when you're angry with someone but then you don't have a reason strong enough...You cannot show it and at the same time you cannot hide it..! Obviously they notice the changed you...and then you don't have an answer to their -"are you angry?"

During this "sort of angry" phase..you do not show your anger because it is of no use! Even when you've expressed your anger.. the other person doesn't do much to make things better! And somewhere inside you, a voice tells you that maybe you were expecting much more than they knew..!

though their question remains unanswered,but i'm sure they'll understand one day!

Stolen..

As i step out today...

with the little "devils" slowly pouring over me

Walking swiftly..

as the chilly wind flows past my face

Some glistening drops stay on my hair...

as i walk towards you in the street light

You give me your "it feels so good to see you" smile...

And i give you back something similar(blush...)

A short hug follows..

but is as comforting as ever..!

Aand we talk...

giving words to all that has been unsaid...

how i would so love to steal a kiss..

And say more than any words could ever do...

Standing there behind the curtain of rain...

how it would make you all mine...

The kiss in the rain...

The stolen kiss in the rain..!

Not mine..!

It all begins with the word 'mine'.

Once attached, it changes a lot of things! The sense of possession makes us act in a different way no matter how much we deny! As soon as we start believing something belongs to us, there is an implicit right that tags along! (which is completely justified)
When it comes to people, one may become possessive about them just because of this right ! It feels good to hear "you're mine" but when that expression reaches a literal extreme it becomes a trouble for both sides!
But apart from that, its the mindset that we form about them which is hard to get over. "Only i have the right.. you should do this only for me"...and thousand other unavoidable expectations...The smallest clashes have the deepest impact. It happens that who we think belong to us were never really ours or maybe who we thought would be ours forever left us on the crossroads! All those times this 'mine' is the heart of all problems.

There are so many things we love in life. As an example, you are the rose in my garden but that does not mean i will be jealous when people look at you or praise you or even love you for that matter! I will love you because you will still be the most beautiful flower in my 'garden'...!!
Without attaching a 'mine' also we will not love them any less! And also this way no authority will exist and thus no mindset.Acting without the sense of mine is the best way to keep away from all these strong feelings..!

You're mine....? ... Not anymore..!

Can anything be better?

That phase comes in your life when you seem to be attracting all the negative things..and your world comes crashing down...BANG! 'it' hits you in your face...there you are feeling 'lost'...

only if you could get 'the hug'.. there is nothing more that you need at that time..

no matter how bad things are...it just magically pulls you out of this world!

The 'tight' one...just holding onto the "I'm here with you" hug..says so much more than any words could..!

And not every person can make it 'special and beyond'....its a rare talent! And you've hit it big if you have that someone around..!

Sometimes, the smallest things contribute the greatest share in one's happiness...!

Randomm...

I was reminded the other day about old days(..glimpses through the diary..)

It felt so nice when i realized that i had won over a few of my weaknesses at that time..! its hardly a matter of 2 years and i can say it with a smile that the things that used to make me weak at that time are now gone! More than that it makes me feel stronger when i take on life right now! As I love to refer to it.. the mind-heart battle..! A strong mind leads the heart out of difficult situations..And at times we must let the heart lead..It brings us to new horizons...!

That strong an emotion....?

You know i have been thinking about this since quite sometime now..! Finally writing it out...

Love is a very strong emotion..It bonds,breaks and does a lot more than we think it can! how when in love we start looking at things differently...all the world's troubles seem to move away because there is something compensating for all of them..that strong an emotion!

Doing whatever it takes just to make that someone feel special. Love,if unreturned makes us convince ourselves pretty well that "my love is enough for both of us for now!"

Quoting someone i listen to a lot-"Just falling for someone is a good feeling in itself irrespective of whether the opposite person has fallen for you!".If there is love coming from the other end also,then nothing like it..! Love fills everyones lives to an extent that one can go on endless about love..that strong an emotion!

Oh and what happens if there comes distance..? Do the two words- "Long distance" overpower this one strong emotion? Do the feelings reduce just because now the "distance" tag is attached to their relationship? Obviously they will not..! But then,how much ever little feelings existed..no matter how genuine,the psychological effect of this distance is bound to hit them for sure..! Now is it that strong an emotion??

Well if i think about it..(i can only think not much of an experience here) its just how well you can convince yourself about this just being a phase and how what you share is above all such petty issues..(referring to it like that does reduce its effect!) If there is something strong..something to look back upon..something to look forward to then that should be enough to want to hold on! Otherwise there will be just one question was it that strong an emotion??

Random....

There are these times, when the heart cannot stop smiling.. you maybe doing something you enjoy,eating at your favourite joint or spending a moment with a loved one..

these are the times that we want to just hold onto...! And when its been a loong time since we have had any such moments we wait for them...!

When do we miss them more- just after they end.. or when its been loong since they occurred....!

Do i miss you more just after you leave or when we have not met for long.......

thoughts..!

People around me tell me i think a lot! well at times true but then most of the times not so much..!

In fact, I avoid thinking about things that will eventually put me into that vicious circle of thoughts..! Unless someone puts it in front of me and discusses it with me i am going to run away..!

This is exactly what has been going on. I have put a wall in front of my feelings..Feelings like leaving Pune..the end of engineering..looking forward to something soo different..the end of certain friendships i thought would last.. the beginning of new relationships that i never saw were coming..and loads of other things related to these..! i have been stopping myself from thinking about it or writing about it so that i don't fall prey to the sadness dangling form it all..! And i had plans of continuing this for a while..! But lately one thing triggered the other and somehow a small part of this feeling struck me..! i know i am not far from the time when this feeling will take over me..!

till then.. all smiles.! :) :)

The stars have FADED away...

All the starts may have faded away....

But do not lose hope..

You will see them some other day...!

when your eyes won't be clouded with tears..

And a happier day comes your way...

when the smiles will be here to stay..

and you get what you pray..

come what may..

you will see them another day..!

Random..!

All days will not be shiny and bright..! There will be days all dark and cloudy..!But you must not be disheartened.. because it takes a rainy day to put a rainbow across the skies..and it all depends on whether you know where to look!!

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The fact that we are enjoying ourselves is enough to hold on! Sometimes its more important who we are with and what we are doing rather than seeing a larger picture and finding a name for relationships..

a view

There are times in your life when you have to make decisions about what the right things are..! you spend hours pondering over your decisions...In most of these times there is a "mind-heart" battle! the logics of this world versus the desires of your world..! i say follow your heart..! You need not monitor life all the time..! Just let things flow..! Do what you feel like..Make your heart smile.. pamper yourself..! Live life the way you LIKE it...the way it brings you happiness..! You deserve this and much more.. so give it to yourself without hesitation! don't hold yourself back..because life will not always be a bed of roses... but as long as life gives you roses you can make it for yourself..!

just one thing...

Never regret anything that ever made you smile..!!

Just to see if "you" are worth holdin onto

Let go..! sometimes thats all you can do..! Sometimes thats exactly what you must do..! when the "me" is tired of being "me"..tired of hoping everyday that "you" would be mine! just let go..! If nothing else to see if it is worth holding onto..!

"you" will come back if it deserves someone like "me"..

and then "me" will have reasons enough to hold tight..!

You You You.....And You..!

Its all about you.. it has always been about you..!!

This 3 letter "you" has over-powered the 2 letter "me" loong back!

You talk..You cry.. You smile.. You want to go for a movie..You feel like eating this..You don't want to talk anymore...Its plainly just you..!!

And me..? well i am just watching all this happen..accepting everything as it comes.. telling "me" that there is no point trying to run away from what has happened.. because that how "you" want it to be...!

.....Silence.....

How sometimes someone else's silence Kills..!

But sometimes that is all you can give to the opposite person!

Silence is at times a way to keep away difficult questions about yourself...

and how Sometimes you're forced to be silent when there are a million firecracker questions bursting in your mind!!

How silence gives you the best answers in the best possible way...!

And at other times silence is the best way to answer someone...!

A silent smile, a silent tear...

A silent wish,a silent fear...

------------------- Silence -----------

Randomm...

How sometimes you wish people did not assume ..as all that it leads to is misunderstanding..which hurts either them or you and most if the times both! How simply people assume you're no longer the same and start changing themselves trying to adjust to the change! Result - they are the ones who are changing (which eventually leaves you in a tough spot!)

You know better!!

When you feel the world's going against you....

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Dear God..

I am not at all happy with what you've done to me! I don't deserve this at all! You knew what i wanted! I have been begging you for it since so long! then why? Why couldn't you have listened to my prayers this ONE time? Was it so difficult to listen to what my heart desired?

But at the same time i cannot even put this blame on you, because I know you love me and are constantly working to make things best for me!

You know much more about what I need ( which in this case i guess happens to be different from what I want!)

And that is exactly why I cannot get mad at you!

I know that you can see the future..and hence know what will be beneficial for me. Also I know that there is a reason for this and one day I will also look back upon this and realize how whatever happened was in my favour! But till then all I can be is disappointed!

So please help me see how this is the right thing!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Don't worry! There is someone up there who cares for you more than You yourself!

Random...

Its a funny thing about a great loss.. you are upset but not upset enough! and that is simply because your heart does not accept it completely!!

Also there comes a time when you have lost so much that you wonder if there is anything more left to be lost! At that point there is neither sadness nor disappointment.. in fact you may even find yourself smiling!

Amazing how the rule of "happiness and sadness" applies so well everywhere!

Distance continued..

Distance in a Relationship

Sitting next to them and still feeling lonely
Keeping them in your heart and at the same time feeling empty

Telling them everything but still forced to keep sumthin to urself

Showing Love(& care) and in turn be dismayed
Then trying so hard to hate them

thinking 10 times before saying 10 words
When misunderstandings and altercations become a part of the day

when expectations are unexpectedly put down everytime
Then compromise seems to be the only option

When the happiness of their presence is overshadowed by disappointment of their behaviour
Losing all hope in them,but still loving them with all your Heart!

Asking yourself-Why they came into your life?

Every moment Wishing that- This DISTANCE never existed..
This distance Never existed..!

When "the coin" Stands straight..!!

We all know the two sides of the life's coin very well now..Here is a new scintillating thought...

When we are living the "blue" days we cry about how things were earlier,our emotional calculator calculating the "change",wondering whether our smile will ever be as long as it was,hoping and wishing that things would be better soon..

When we are happy there is a smile on our face but somewhere inside the mind knows its not for too long( I know too much negative thinking..), there is a constant fear of someone stealing it from you. Your mind may not tell you this everytime but its there somewhere!

All this is still tolerable..(Yes we are used to it now) But i see something new.. What do you do when you face both together!

When your heart is torn apart into two pieces - one soo happy and the other hurting like hell!

When on one side of the Life's puzzle the pieces start to fit in.. whereas you start losing pieces from the other side..??

what do u tell yourself at that time..??
"there is something slipping out from your hands on the other side..!! what are you being happy about?"
or
"what are you sad about.. now that you have what your heart desires?"

Everyone's Life alternates between these two emotions.. But life throws new challenges at you every now and then and here it is..!!

Stay away...!! i've no time for you right now

Life is a coin.. It has two sides to it.. (yes you guessed it right..) - the "happy side" and the "sad side".. In maths the probability of getting either side is 0.5.. In life i don't really know.. no one does maybe.. many people make statements about it saying - " Life is how you see it", "life is how you react to things" etc.. but i don't believe them all the times.... at times i feel the coin of life is biased.. and i am sure many of you will agree to that.. Its too much of the "sad side" that we need to learn to get over..!

As i said before i don't know whether keeping the sadness away is in our hands or not but at times it becomes very important to attract happiness... i've already talked about them in a previous post..

its those times when you need to increase the "happy memories list".. And at this point I see clouds of sadness taking over everyone.. leaving no ray of hope..! For all these people i am again and again emphasizing on the importance of flying above these clouds instead of getting wet in the rain of tears..!

As for the moment all i can think of doing is writing a letter that you may be able to connect to if you are among them..!

( i so hope you are not.. and if you are then i so wish that you end this phase soon..)

Dear sadness,

I cannot start with a 'hi' because i dont really want to be nice to you..! Now this is basically to tell you that presently i am in a stage where i think i have had enough of you.. i was just looking back at the recent past.. dont you think we've spent too much time together.. you are sort of holding onto me and i need some space of my own.. I have alot many things to do and i might sound rude but the truth is i have no time for you..! so if you yourself would be understanding enough to step back..it would be really nice.. and i dont think i am asking for too much.. for all the times we have been together for all the times i held onto you.. i think its time for you to do something that makes me feel better..

I know i am being too harsh.. but there are times when you have to let go of some things to accommodate other things..!

i am sorry but you'll have to leave..

Chandni

P.S. in case you meet your counterpart, just ask it to contact me..! thanks!

In Love..

In love with sleep..! Sleeping is the best thing that man could have learnt..! Apart from being refreshing.. it relaxes one to an extent nothing can.. both physically and mentally..

Also, it can be seen as a means to escape from the real world... And so it is..

Into the world of thoughts.. where everything is as we have in our mind! Yes dreams are just a replica of what we are thinking! Many people say they don't see dreams.. That is not true.. its just that they sleep so deep that they don't remember it!

Dreams are usually all the things that we fantasize about.. But at times its composed of all the things that we dread..! Either ways when we get up next day( for those who remember it) it affects our mood..! There is also a feeling of relief after a dream where everything was going against us..!

All in all dreams are the other world we live in! They truly show us what is there in our mind! even the things we were not aware of..!

Smile..! I am not giving you an option..!

What will you do when you know what is about to happen.. when you can see how things are going to be.. (not clearly but still).. And what if you see the end of a beautiful era of your life, on the horizon..?

First thing that comes to my philosophical mind is - "Live whatever time is left to the fullest..! and make the most of it!"

But there is this element of sadness that is dangling from everything that you do.. everything...

Every moment that passes by, leaves a thought lurking at the back of your mind - "Its the last time.."

Being the last semester I have the same view towards things..! i want everything to be perfect.. All friendships at their best and new friendships strengthening so that i can count on them as well.. etc...basically there should be just happiness all around..! So that when it ends there are no regrets! But in case there is sadness around.. then just remove it as soon as you can.. because in a situation like this there is no time for :( .. it should be just ":) "

By being sad you are just wasting time. This time is to be treasured. It cannot be spent crying over things that were or things that could not be .

And you're not just wasting your time but also that of people around you whose mood depends on yours! they are left wondering how to make you smile and in the process are not able to smile themselves!

Smile..! More than you it makes the opposite person feel better..!

Give importance to Love..!

how is it.. that no matter how much you love someone.. its never enough..! I read one of these days about How " love is not enough to change reality.." true.. But what i am talking about is that love does not even affect people's heart...! (ironically, that is exactly what it is supposed to do..!)

Well what i don't understand is that when the opposite person knows what you feel still how can they be all cold hearted towards you!!? how can your feelings not matter at all?? Do they really not care about how much it affects you..? Or are they themselves just pretending to be "unaffected" by it..?

All this just proves how much love is taken for granted..! Love is the best thing someone can have for you.. and it must be valued beyond anything! Even if you cannot return it in the same magnitude..!

Because one day when that love will no longer be there.. you will miss out on it..! trust me..!

Random...

I have become very good at pretending in front of you that I don't care! I divert myself pretty well.. Might even laugh it off...

But little do I realize, I cannot pretend to myself!

Because when you're gone and the situation gradually sinks in..I drown..!

I cant help but feel miserable about the entire thing.. My heart just cries and so do I..!

Random...

When someone confesses their feelings.. It should be done in a way that even if the other person has nothing for you.. What you say should make him/her fall for you..! May not be permanently at least for that moment..!

I LOVE YOU..

Wish you loved me back the way I do

Only if you cared the way I do

You missed me the way I do

You thought about me like I do

Only IF you tried to be with me like I try

You cried for me like I cry

You smiled at me the way I Smile

And when we are together,think that life is worthwhile

Only if you understood why my heart is fragile..

When disappointment prevalis and sadness piles

When you and me are separated by miles

All those times I was irritated, only if you UNDERSTOOD

And just promised to stand by me, like I would

I would be yours for as long as I could..!

I wish we were kids..

because then we would not have tried to explain every action logically..

And there wasn't any need to apply so much thought into why things happened

because then we would not have had much experience to know that what was unfair

And we would not apply brains to the matters of the heart

If only we were kids,the word 'complicated' would not have existed

And being upset would not be as miserable

As kids,'expectation' would be an alien expression

And there would be no need of explanations!

No heated arguments No cold wars..

A happy heart with no scars..

When Surprise was a "SURPRISE!!" and not a shock..

when the mind did not have to worry about a block..

People turn wise when they realize

Being a Kid was the best thing that could've happened to them..!

Distance between two people...

To realize the importance of someone
And know how much you love them

Not being able to see them everyday and
Missing the smallest things about them

Thinking about them every hour
Hoping that the time would fly

Crossing out 'blue' days on the calendar
Writing LONG letters as the days pass by

watching the moon for hours hoping they are doin the same
Every moment Wishing that- This DISTANCE never existed..

I miss u..!

This can be called a letter to my grandfather..though that is not what I had in mind when i began writing this..

Sometimes I wonder how it would have been if u were around..! How different a day would be..

You would call me everyday and visit me twice(minimum) a year in Pune.When I would come home I would spent a few days at your place..or maybe you would be staying with us at our place..I wonder what we would do?..talk?! about what? Watch t.v.? Sit n do calculation of your shares..(you know now there is a faster way of doing it on the Internet now) I could teach you that..

But no! No..I will not let you waste time on such unimportant stuff! See, morning i could come with you n visit d temple..then maybe we would cook something for lunch(making things easier for mom)..then afternoon i will let you sleep..In d evening we would go for a walk..aim of the day would be to spend time together!

I know i am not giving u any space or any time for yourself..But that is me..i will not change. This may be crossing your mind that i am like this because I do not have you by my side anymore..Oh no no..i had always been like this!

If only i had u with me today..you would be a major reason of the smile on my face..thinking about u n about d last days i had u around..still brings water in my eyes..! ;-(

The bond i share with my grandfather is too deep to understand.. I may write more about it in my next..

Something to ponder over…

Well I don’t know if this is the right post to start a blog.. but as told by my friend-“There is nothing different about writing a blog.. all the things that cross your mind which you put down on a paper,just type them here..” Hence my blog will talk about the feelings that produce scintiallations in my mind..! And here is the recent one.

RELATIONSHIP-almost everyone is a part of some kind of relationship (complete or incomplete)- in friendship or in love. There is a never ending adjustment and compromise that everyone is involved in. But, people change! Change is a very dynamic word in itself! We change according to our surroundings. (This is not about adapting)! The people around us influence us to a very great extent.We may not realize, but very gradually we tend to become like them. But we should not lose ourself somewhere in that process! Because that would eliminate the very reason ‘those people’ liked us!
I am not suggesting that we will always change for the worse. It may be the other way round. This is about just one of those times when we adopt the negative traits of people close to us. This “trait” may be their weakness but that does not necessarily mean that they will accept that in you!
In the beginning of a relatioship you are purely yourself, uninfluenced! The other person likes you for that! So don’t change to an extent that one day the person is looking at a reflection of himself in you. Something that you used to complain about once upon a time is now what people see as a part of YOU! Because that will not be a good feeling! People who are used to the earlier you are bound to compare! And all of a sudden you have lost yourself. What people liked in you at one point of time is no longer a part of you!

I would leave you on this note-Be yourself! People love you for that!